taking flight

buckle up.
sometimes it's hard to discern the difference between sadness and anxiety. 
because for me, they've almost always come hand in hand.

i sit feeling heavy, not shaky this time.
just heavy.
tear-stained cheeks.
i want the blinds closed.
and my blankets over my face.
sadness is steering.

then i find myself worrying about my life.
unsure.
my grandma.
her health.
she's ok, right?
what am i studying for?
where will i be?
5 years?
10 years?
this weekend?
i miss home.
i think of memories intangible.
ones i can no longer find the comfort of living in.
if only for a second.

moments like these i realize my anxiety is a co-pilot tonight.

all of the emotions in my body are seated in rows and the two most powerful are unfortunately in the cock pit.

'buckle up' i tell myself.

the only thing i know to do is prepare for crash landing.